This is a follow up post ... read the beginning of the story here.
Then Mumford & Sons took the stage. I was touching elbows with 3-5 people and we were all drenched in sweat. I closed my eyes and felt the bass reverberate through my body. I stood with thousands and sang along with the sound tract of my year. I stopped for a moment and was completely still just feeling, absorbing. The charge of the crowd. The voices, the horns ..oh, the horns! LIVE! I was singing the songs that helped me hold onto the last shred of my sanity and my hope at 4am in a dark and miserably lonely hopital room.
In that moment, with the music flowing through me I remembered how miserable I felt, the steroids, the metalic taste in my mouth, the insomnia, the thirst that couldn't be quenched. My skin crawling. And so much fear. And I remembered how the music saved me. It grieved with me in the horror of all of it all. They sang about sight, vision and hope and it stirred my soul. Their music reached my teriffied heart when nothing else could. The bass. The horns. The banjo. Somehow they played on the different layers of my life. The heartbeat of the drum. The high strung, sometimes frantic banjo, the hope of the horns. The steady strum of guitar. It's like they pulled my entire life together and set it to a melody that I was able to fall into step with. And keep moving.
My mind remembered. My body remembered. I relaxed and let the music shake the fear, grief and terror from my cells and the breeze carried my darkness away.
My face cramped from my ear to ear grin. My gratitude brought me to tears. God is so good. I thanked him for my health. For the GIFT of the concert tickets. For my family. My chidren were at home safe and well taken care of. MY life. THIS life. I stood in awe of it all. Overwhelming gratitude enveloped me and felt like a promise. All we have is the NOW. In that moment, no matter what the next held, everything was perfect.
I got my t-shirt. :)