Saturday, September 1, 2012

Intention


Behold, the power of Intention!

This is the text I sent my mom last night:
"I have goals for tonight: Finish these two paintings and start one or two more!"

I WILL be stating goals more often. 
Not only did I finish the two I planned on, I started and completed two little pieces that are fun and fresh! 

'If I Could Paint You A Garden' 
 2'x4' (give or take) 3/8" Plywood
(Terribly difficult to photograph... I will re-post once I have it done professionally)

I started this piece Sunday night. I was surprised when I looked at my calendar how quickly I completed it. 
It probably has a lot to do with the emotions I was working through. I've been turning into myself a lot as of late, 
I am a FIXER. 
Aries/Type A/Sensitive? 
Whatever label fits, I just want to help people move past whatever pain they are in.  
I've found myself shying away from interactions ... 
It seems like every time I answer the phone, greet a friend there is something that they are facing that just IS
Somethings cannot be fixed.
A marriage (or two or three) is over.
A disease is without cure and difficult to manage.
Hearts longing and working so hard to create a family.
Souls sharing the deep wounds from childhood. 
There is no band aid. 
No blue print to rebuild.
No map-quest to resolution. 
I wish I possessed a magic wand. 
But none of us do. 
All I can do/be is sit with them in their pain. 
Listen to their struggles, share my own. 
But mostly. Listen.
'If I Could Paint You A Garden' 
Is my hope and prayer for all the heavy hearts in my acquaintance. 

'A Sense of Repose'
I've had this one going for a couple of weeks. I am glad to have it complete. I was happy to see the flowers loosen up a bit. 
It's quite telling of the unfolding in my own life. Embracing truths. 
Getting past the past.

On a lighter note~ 
'Baby Rex' 12x12 birch panel

'Thom Rhino' 12x12 birch panel
 
I pumped out these two fun pieces start to finish last night. 
A real exercise in letting go and slinging paint without thought. 
Liam loves Dinosaurs. 
Orin loves Rhinoceroses.
Liam will be 2 in October and Orin will be 4 (!?!) in November. 
These will be gifts for them. I intend to paint more FOR my kids.
We paint a lot together, but I want them to have things that I have created specifically for them and their passions at the time.

Last night was the most magical paint time I've had to date. I accomplished more than I believed I could. 
I will definitely continue with the goal stating.

How has making or viewing art/music helped you through something that just IS, one of those things you just have to live through and accept? 
For me, my life is pretty true to my dreams. But, there is this one thing... I have ALWAYS wanted a daughter, always seen myself with three little ones. I've seen her in my dreams at night. I've got my grandmother's cedar chest full of pieces of my childhood saved for her. 
That will never be. 
I have accepted it. Mostly. 
I'm by no means passed the grief. 
My heart will always long for her.
When I paint about it, I find room to breath.
 A little more acceptance. 

How about you?
Look forward to hearing your story,
much love,
~jess 

 

15 comments:

  1. I have so enjoyed reading your post. I certainly can relate to listening to peoples hurts and cares which cannot be fixed. I gradually was able to 'give up' trying to fix everything when I realized it was simply impossible and in fact was zapping my own energy. I'm so sorry your little girl is not with you. That is a 'life lesson' which is hard to deal with. Loved your post. I'll come back and visit. Hope you will visit me.

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  2. Did I mention how much I loved your garden painting, and the paintings especially for your children. http://www.donnadidit.net/ hugs, Donna

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  3. Ahhh Jess I knew I loved you! You have a gift of Mercy girl! Having empathy on others pain is a part of it...having to let go of the need to fix it is a healthy and necessary step to being the best friend to yourself and to others! You are so precious! And about that lil girl...I have 3 boys and the lil girl that never was still has dresses hanging in my closet after 25 yrs! She lives in my dreams too, sweet friend... I know we'll meet one day, perhaps in the form of a granddaughter. But I understand that longing...I really do. <3 Love you and your heart and your art! (all one in the same!)

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  4. Hi Jess, Thanks so much for stopping by my blog. I'm happy to have found you too! Love your paintings. Stacie

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  5. What a wonderful post. Lots of wisdom and beauty here! I like the intention setting. It's a simple thought, but I often forget to do it. I'm going to be much more mindful of that, thank you for the reminder! ♥

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  6. Glad to have found your blog and enjoyed your post and your art enormously... am now following so I don't miss any more...xx

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  7. Donna, thank you, following you now too!
    Thanks, Stacie, I so love making new blog-friends!
    Tracey, thank you for following, delighted to have you to follow as well!
    I love all of the connections! So wonderful to have met you all! <3 Thank you ladies!

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  8. All of your paintings are beautiful. I must say that the dino and rhino paintings captured my imagination. Just doing the outline is so striking!

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  9. Thank you! I decided to venture into something a little different... I'm usually quite happy when I do... I think there will be more of this 'style' in my painting future. :)

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  10. What beautiful work you are doing! Just love it ALL! ♥

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  11. Hey Jess, I am doing the flying lessons as well which if how I got to your blog. Love your work and totally relate to the grief/acceptance process of not having a daughter. I am blessed with 3 boys and love them to bits. As a child however, I always saw myself with a daughter...I also 'saw' her in my dreams. I now have feminine touches in my studio and a little fairie hovers above me. These small things represent the feminine that never came into our family to be beside me and balance out the masculine. The accepting is difficult. On a lighter note, I too am hopeless at sorting my emails! I only start deleting when I see it creeping up to 1999 :) Anyway, hope to cross paths with you on the course. Best wishes, Tanya Cole

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    1. Tanya, yes, Balance!! I after 7 years of marriage and my my oldest is almost 4, I am breaking out the skirts and PINK. ;)

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  12. Hi Jess - I found you through Flying Lessons too. I LOVE BABY REX! I also love your comments on using art to work through what can't be changed. I had a horrible year of depression 8 years ago over some things that happened. Art journaling was the only thing that brought me out of it. I truly believe that art heals. Glad to have "met" you through FL. Take care, Tricia

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    1. Tricia, thank you for your comment! I knew there had to be others who felt this way about their creativity... it is very nice to 'meet' ;) someone! See you in 'class' <3

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